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22 October 2010 @ 08:08 pm
This is one of the days when I wish I were a robot.  
Do you know the feeling of having huge stones at the pit of your stomach? It was just like that, what I felt last night, er, I mean, early that morning. So much for my stalking skills, heh. I felt really stupid, browsing through his old blog entries at 2 AM, laughing at his antics (cheering for the Lakers, ranting about DotA, posting his drawings), learning that he actually did martial arts, and well, reading about his... past love? Is it really past? I remember him brooding about it one time, huddled in a small corner, mumbling that 'she was far, far away', somewhere in the States. I found myself laughing about how he was such a romantic, a subtle one at that--barely showing that side of himself to us--and at the same time, found myself... envious? Jealous? I don't know. He told me a few stories about her, and though I noted how subdued he tried to keep his tone, I could see how sincerely happy he was when he talked about her. I still get mixed feelings about it. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm proud. I'm jealous. I don't know.

And until now, I'm in denial. Still trying to convince myself I don't like him that way.

And for a good reason, actually. We're friends. Add to that my trauma about... relationships. I'm no good at it. When I fall, I fall hard. I fall easily. And the last thing I want is to lose someone because of that. Because of... 'love'. If that's even the right word to use. I see him as someone I want to be with for a long, long time. 'Love' ruins that. 'Love' doesn't last. At least not in the way people want it to.

I don't want to make the same mistake again. :(

Guess who this was inspired by?
(Asked him to draw something like this pero hanggang ngayon wala pa rin XD)
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: Colbie Caillat - Out of My Mind
i like crispy ones with cheese dips ♥takeoutfries on October 22nd, 2010 03:41 pm (UTC)
Haha. What a frustrating feeling, no? :| :))

Ang hirap sa pakiramdam. 'Di mo alam kung saan ka lulugar, o kung paano ka kikilos. You want to keep the person, the friendship, but your feelings won't cooperate. :(
tegoyantegoyan_desu on October 22nd, 2010 04:08 pm (UTC)
super. buti na lang kaya ko pang magpanggap kanina. kung hindi. naiyak na ako. >.
i like crispy ones with cheese dips ♥takeoutfries on October 22nd, 2010 04:20 pm (UTC)
Super huuuug! >:)<

Haha. Mukhang ako ang humahabol sa kanya. It's so wrong. D: Kailangan pigilan ang sarili mag-comment. XD
tegoyantegoyan_desu on October 24th, 2010 07:24 am (UTC)
huwaaa. salamat sa super hug. :D

you think may alam sya about what you feel?

napansin ko lang yung icons natin. kunwari si tacchon at massu ang nagkukwentuhan about their love life.XD
i like crispy ones with cheese dips ♥takeoutfries on October 24th, 2010 12:12 pm (UTC)
You're welcome. :>

I'm not too sure. O: Alam mo naman, magaling ang lola niyo umarte. :))

Yep, yep! Pareho pa talagang blue ang BG ng icons natin, e no. XD
tegoyantegoyan_desu on October 25th, 2010 07:11 am (UTC)
oooh. kunwari walang pakialam pero deep inside super concerned. same here. parang mas masakit sa damdamin yun. T____T

honga no!XD pero buti pa icons natin hindi nag-eemo.XD ahehe!